Better yet: Mike Huckabee is going to win the Democratic primary for the presidential nomination. In a clutch political play to ensure once and for all that not one person remains who takes his nomination seriously, Huckabee releases an ad featuring Chuck Norris. The man's a genius. Because if anyone can convince Americans of the need for robust diplomacy, it's Chuck Norris.
It's a good thing Huckabee balances out his endorsement lineup with a "Champion of Christ." Someone's going to have to do the last rites for his opponents. They're done for.
Cardiologists are worried that Dick Cheney's heartbeat is irregular.
That's like Britney saying that the Grammy award she won for Blackout has a scratch on it. Come on.
I'm not sure what doctors have mistaken for Cheney's "heart", but this man has by now lived through four heart attacks, two angioplasties, quadruple bypass surgery, a defibrillator implanted into his heart, aneurysms behind both knees, a blood clot in his left leg, and eight yeast infections.
And the fact that only the last one is made up (just kidding, it was only one) is absolutely ridiculous.
Trent Lott has announced that he is resigning by the end of this year.
Not retiring after his term, which doesn't end until 2012, but flat out resigning, with no replacement. Which is fine, because it's not like he's the top Republican in the Senate. He's only No. 2. So no biggie. It's not like he actually does anything, I mean beyond pork spending and hating black people.
Yet Trent manages to sour even the sweetness of finally getting rid of him, with the irksome fact that he's selling out "because he has no money" (maybe that's why he didn't want poor Americans to have any either). On January 1, 2008, a new law will force legislators to wait for two years before lobbying for money, but with Lott's current timing, he'll only need to wait one year. This exemplifies the kind of patience and care that Lott has exhibited throughout his Senate career, and we'll miss him for it. We being the top 1% of America's income bracket.
Jacques Chirac was officially charged this week of embezzlement during his time as mayor of Paris.
Magistrates (that's French for "detectives"!) are investigating his possible* embezzlement of public funds during his tenure from 1977-1995. Nineteen other people are also being charged, including another former prime minister, Dominique de Villepin, who isn't allowed to contact Chirac until examiners get to the bottom of this.
Chirac might have collaborated with Villepin, who isn't speaking to him, but who has accused current President Nicolas Sarkozy of accepting bribes. Sarkozy is of course denying it, while trying to remain diplomatic about Chirac while talking smack about him behind his back, and Villepin being mollified by his Asian girlfriend (Katherine Cheng!). It's like any other episode of Dominique's Creek.
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